Mamas Aren’t Gentlemen
With this Corona and everything the whole of Thrissur is in lock down. Pattabhi Mama is a member of “Retired government employees who watch county cricket to pass time” club for the past 10 years. The Corona lock down has prevented the club members to meet at the usual place they hang, the Parmekavu Temple, to discuss about the declining health of Worcestershire’s pace department. So the break away from his usual routine led him to visit our house.
“Dei Easwara, holidays ah?” asked Pattabhi mama.
“No no mama, it’s work from home, there are actually no cases confirmed in our office, but as a precautionary measure they asked us to pack our bags”, I said.
“HA HA HA” laughed Pattabhi mama. In the inner circles of “Retired government employees who watch county cricket to pass time” club Pattabhi mama is known for his hearty laugh. But little did I know that it would sound like a gas cylinder explosion in one’s kitchen.
“This generation has no courage, always paranoid, you know what Swami Vivekananda had said Easwar? I would rather be an optimist and wrong than a pessimist and right.”
“I think it is Elon Musk mama”
“What is that after shave thing you are talking about?”
“No that is Old Musk, this is..”
“Never mind, you should get a shave first, you know like Swami Vivekananda I would be an optimist and wrong, it is a future full of possibilities”, he said.
I had minor disagreements on the above points. One, he is 70. With respect to Corona, he can be an optimist and dead. And the other, he is 70, even I don’t think of a future with possibilities. His only possibilities at this age are pneumonia, arthritis and slip disc.
But I kept my disagreements to myself.
“You know, I’ll tell you what to do to prevent getting Corona, go to the nearest cow shed, collect the first urine from the cow at 3 AM. Remember it has to be the first urine, the second doesn’t work. Drink just 2 teaspoons mixed with water.” he said.
I nodded not knowing what to say. I am totally fine with Pattabhi mama, his beliefs and him drinking cow urine to prevent corona as long as he doesn’t force me to stand under the cow with 2 teaspoons and a glass of water at 3 in the morning. Pattabhi mama could sense my reluctance.
“This is the problem with the current generation, you people think that you know everything, you know the United States has got patent on cow urine?” he said.
I again nodded not knowing what to say. We could always avoid arguments with old people, it’s very easy to do it. But when they expect actions, not so much. I guess it’s an art that one can never master. Very similar to saying no to your relative who is an insurance agent. Maybe there is all the good in cow urine. But maybe just taking out the essential ingredients, converting that into a clean tablet of sorts. I really wouldn’t mind if it’s at the price of Crocin.
“Ok do whatever you want” said Pattabhi mama, and raised his ass sideways sitting on the chair, creating a smooth passage for the intestinal gas. Bernouli’s principle did the rest.
I may not agree with Pattabhi mama on everything. But in this world of uptight people holding up farts and pretending that they never smell one or did one. We must learn to loosen up and never give two fucks about what other people think.
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